Its 5pm in the little part of the world where I exist and like the title reads — I just felt like writing.
ON RELIGION; I am emotionally attached to this topic because I have danced to its tunes all my life. Three years ago I discovered the reasons for my religiousness. I uncovered the truth — that it had nothing to do with my understanding or love for God. I just had this intense phobia for failure and religion presented a life long guarantee that I will not fail.
The fear of failure pulled me towards religion and religion instilled in me the ‘fear of God’. Unfortunately this fear was not the one that alludes reverence or honor — it is the one that sends a man with the ability to cause me pain, discomfort and loses whenever I fall short of the rules of religion. The irony of this situation is that my fear gave birth to another fear and I have been in constant battle with two fears — the fear of failure and the fear of punishment in religion.
Interestingly, my fear of failure that pushed me to religion did not immunize me from failure because I have failed a thousand times. Unfortunately religion comes with a blindfold. This blindfolds shields you from the fact that your losses or failures in life can be on the account of the fact that you did not try hard enough or you started trying hard when time was packing its bags. Instead it points to to the idea that your losses are as a result of not keeping to the rules of religion.
Weariness on religious activity has begun to set in because I have gotten little results from what religion presented. I have seen lives of people that I share the same ‘faith’ with, take off while my engine jerks and stops continuously. I have looked in the words of God and shrugged because religion has snuff out the life that is meant to come out of it. I have looked into the eyes of the clouds and cried for help because I was taught that God found refuge in the clouds instead of my heart — it is no wonder why my religious prayers have laughed in my face with no answers.
I listened to a blink of an eye by passenger at noon and my mind sailed with the thoughts of when my life will change for the better like passengers. when will I kiss that eureka moment. I do not know whether its the rejection letters, empty bank account or the fact that I have been duped by religion that is fueling this feeling but what I can assure myself is that, there has to be shift in my thought patterns in order to put a noose around the neck of these fears.
